10th time lucky
Got some script notes back from Rob Pursey, and they all make sense. More than that, they point out things that I'd never considered before, such as the fact there are 2 love stories, one between Stevie and Gemma and one between Stevie and the band. This second one is something I've never thought of as a love story, but when he mentions it he's exactly right. This alone shows the benefit of getting someone who knows what he's talking about but doesn't know your script, to have a read.
First casualty of Rob's notes are the two secondary characters, Mikey and Naz. I hoped they would be some thing like the Kersal massive, and although I quite liked them Rob is right when he says that they're just muddying the story. So they're now DEAD.
Next up is some more foreshadowing of the plot and additional character stuff. This is draft 10 and I've just given Stevie an obsession with having a tapeworm. The idea is that this reflects his mental state, something gnawing away at him, but I'm not convinced (and I'm writing it), so we'll have to see.
Why is it that when I go to script-o-rama and read scripts there they all seem fresh and interesting and, above all, logical, but when I read back draft 9 of mine it seems cliched and overly planned. I mean, why is it apart from the fact I'm an idiot and they're all the product of talented and well paid writers, obviously. It's just impossible to divorce my reading of the script with the knowledge of all the previous drafts, so nothing ever seems fresh. Is this normal or is this just a shit script? Sadly, I think the only way to really find out is to raise the budget, make the film, and then see what people think. It sounds extreme and expensive, but it's the best way. Probably.